A sad anniversary day

It was a sad anniversary day of Valentine's days last year. I will never never celebrate this day. 

The speed of catching informations

I have been to the UK for 2 years 2010-2012. English letters' environment. It is all alphabet, of course. I all the time took time to understand about English words on the walls, desks, the train's time table and fare, at the self checkout machine, at ATM, the food menu and etc...

Can you get used to the station name, street name, food's name as the noun easily? Quick skimming the words was stressful in a foreign language. Using ATM to withdraw money was high pressure. There were so many kinds of washing liquids, softer, includes shampoos and conditioners. The storm of alphabet letters in a supermarket. 

 

In the 2nd year, the stress decreased. I got much smoother than the 1st year. During my struggle, my class mate who is from Canada often helped me a lot. She catches information super fast because her 1st language is English. She suddenly said, "Let's join the hike." when we walking together on a corridor in the campus. She quickly reads a small note on the board. I could not...That was one shocking moment. I recognised my ability to read English words.😒 

And I got the same shock again last year where I worked in. 

There were hundreds of mailing case for the employees and each case had the employees' name plate with alphabet letters. 

One day, 'HE' came and suddenly found the letter 'HANEDA'. Can you find those letters from about 600 name plates quickly??? Although his 1st language is English, I wondered, is that an average skill? Or because 'HE' is smart? Maybe, my eyes need more training. I miss now English letters's environment. 

Thank you for coming tonight too. Good night, x

I wonder what is 'HE' doing?

どうしてるんだろう。。。

Last Spring,  'HE' wore a salmon pink colour jacket and icy colour denim pants. That look was lovely, I still remember.

I received a reply from 'HE' yesterday

Sorry, I did not update last night. The reason is this.

I had sent him a message on Valentine's Day last month, so the reply was either for that or more.

I hesitated to open it right away. I prepared for something difficult or shocking. 

Actually, the message was very typical of him -neither of those negatives. 

 Before his reply, there was nearly a month of silence. I received nothing from him.

His 'No Comment' was telling me the end. I took it that way. Although there was nothing between 'HE' and me.

 We were just working in the same building. The communication was like neighbours. 

What I regret is, I had to recognise earlier, which was on the New Year greeting message! I did not receive any reply at the time.🫣 I was not sure at that point I was an idiot! Now I can recall it.🫢

Why he responded now would be, I guess, that he wanted to clarify, and not want to get another contact from me.

I want to tell him now, thank you for your reply, I know that was not easy.😰 He's way more sensitive than me.

 I will never contact him again, I confirm. I had already resolved the day after Valentine's Day that I should not contact him again.  I do not want to bother anymore.

So, let me say again, even if he does not hear. "I will not contact him again." This is my final decision.  

Wishing all the best for his continued success! 

Bye- bye, 'HE'!

Thanks for coming, come again tomorrow too, Bye! 

I found a stunning chair from an ebook

 
This is really beautiful. I want to put my pillow on this chair. My pillow becomes good-looking.

I carefully traced and coloured it. 

It is gorgeous, isn't it? But, is it a bit spooky? You will know the reason tomorrow.  I may also change the colours to brighter ones. The purple colour could give a strange image.

I can not do more tonight.

By the way,

I am really OK now. I won't hate him. Now I can recall that there was a clear sign from him. He tried to finish quickly the last lunch. ( but it was not only this, he did not tell me the personal contacts either.) It becomes a lonely lunch at a big table among many people. I tried to not feel miserable myself at the time. 

I had to take it seriously. But I remember that my inner gut had taken correctly. 

I learned well and will not retake the same mistake again. I want to tell him, 'I am sorry and thank you 'HE'! Bye-bye!" (I am never going to message more again though.)

I am so delighted about your visit today too.  I really appreciate it from my heart.   Come here tomorrow too!

Keep warm, Have a good sleep and a good night, x 😍

I am OK and I will not look back

 I truly appreciate your visit to this blog. You have spent your precious time reading my silly like yesterday. 

I am almost back to normal as I am now. 💛

In Japan, It is getting colder tonight. How about the weather in your country? 

Keep warm and take care.

Good night, x

My Valentine's day in 2025

The day before yesterday was the Valentine's Day. I sent a message to 'HE'. (HE; an attractive man) 

This is the real one that I attached to the email. The illustration (my original) is nice, and I won't regret what I did. 

Thank you for coming today too.

Good night, x

The first month of this year is coming to an end

Today is the end of January 2025. It is so scary how early it is. February is coming now, and Valentine's Day is only two weeks away. Aw...He may not be in Tokyo. I am not sure though.

Giving a chocolate box to the boy who you like on the day is the typical Japanese way. Teenage girls or young women in their 20s are very likely to do this. But maybe, this is not for me. 
I haven't seen him for more than a month!? It is unbelievable. I hope to have a quick coffee chat with him. It's OK even at Shake 🍔hack or Mr. Do🍩uts. I just can not ask naturally. I wish he was my neighbour. 

I wonder if he does not come to Minatomirai for shopping? 🤔

By the way,
What do you eat for your breakfast? 

These are my breakfasts for the last 2weeks.

Eating celery. (The red one is not a true crab. )

The orange is Setoka (it is a new type of Mikan). I love this. 

Thank you for coming today too!
Have a nice weekend,
Love you, x

It has been a month since I last saw him

Last night, It was too cold to sit at my desk and fell asleep earlier than usual. Today, it is nice sunny, and the warmest in a week.  

One month has passed since the last time I saw him. One month is soon coming. It is impossible to know how is he doing since then. No one knows that I like him. I have never ever told to anyone else. People believe that he is just one of many users in the room. Maybe because my attitude towards others was also looked the same way. The big differences were my eyes and my heartbeat. (Anyone can not distinguish, but only him.)  

So, I have no support for hearing currently about him like, "He was having a sliced red-skinned fish.", "He was chatting lauder with teammates." or "His beard has gone!?" 

Only I know I like him. I hope to see him again. I messaged it to him on the 1st of this month, and he responded nothing. (Maybe, he can not lie.) 

Valentine's Day is coming next month. 

Do you have any plans to spend time with your partner?

"Masako, let's have dinner together on the special day." 

" He may not be in Japan on the day like last year."

I wish I could have casual dinner with him like Okonomiyaki, Monjayaki or Yakitori. And want happily getting drunk and big laughter! hopefully.

If you were me, what you do next? Or do nothing? 

I gonna go to bed, now.

Night night, 

x

He is a beautiful clever young adult man with a sensitive heart like a little boy 3 (The final)

 If I spoke in my dream, you would hear a Kanto accent. I only speak Osaka-Ben with people who speak with a Kansai accent. (I rarely get the chance, and feel like 3 of 100 people in Tokyo speak in that way.) He is sensitive and catches something far beyond. I had no idea what he felt about this.

He seems to be in a relationship with a girlfriend. I wonder why he left her in his country still now?? Or she may love her career much more than him. Distance relationship is not hard?

 If I describe his identity as some Tarot cards;

Looks like a young attractive man. Ambitious, smart, complete mission like a game, has passion, 

Thoughtful, engineer, obsess with small differences, good understanding, 

Wise like an elderly man, Maybe being quiet at home like a philosopher. He would well coordinate his life.

I had a question for him.  "Do you like me? "

I forgot to ask it. I hoped to do so. (because I have already left the company he works in.)

He did not say, "Goodbye" to me. Said "See you" instead. (He is a compassionate man. )

His hand was cold. I wanted to hold his hand for more time.

He is a beautiful clever young adult man with a sensitive heart like a little boy 2

 It would be impossible for me to have my own child. He may love tiny babies. I do not know if he likes children. 

It would be like friends if we became husband and wife. Or it looks like a mom and a genius boy (his inner self is a little boy like the movie "Home Alone". Both alright. 

He is a creepy genius boy. He knew a medieval Japanese Samurai story. The story's origin deeply connects to the small town where I grew up. How he could remember the story... He knew that the Samurai's big anniversary is held every year in Tokyo. He is too smart!  

He said that he loved the story. So do I. The nearest shrine to my back home is named after the head of samurais's name (Oishi), and it's in the castle area. That place used to be my favourite playground, where it is large I often did seek and hide. I want to take him someday on a tour of the castle and have a cup of tea with my mom.

He knows the Kansai (the West) accent and the Kanto (the East) accent. There is a difference. I guess it is as same as in the US. He may wonder what accent I am speaking in the Japanese language. I was working in Osaka years ago, then contacting to the clients in Tokyo on the phone too often. The clients believed that I used to live in Tokyo. because I had a perfect sense of speaking with a Tokyo accent. This is not trained and maybe this is my special natural ability. I do catch quickly their sense like learning music. 

To be continued...

He is a beautiful clever young adult man with a sensitive heart like a little boy

So, I rarely go to his floor, but our timing is often perfect. Somewhat 4 in 5 times, I see him. He may have telepathy. Likewise, we unexpectedly met in the corridor suddenly. And he kindly suggested having lunch together with me!  So lovely! (I tried to not ask since he ignored me.)

At lunchtime, we talked about his family and mine. His father could be an attractive man. Not many men can marry more than once. That's why he is so cute and beautiful. However, the father figure could influence his ethics regarding the relationship. It would be a good way, though. His inner self would make the right choice. I saw his sensitive, beautiful mind in the conversation. 

If I married him, I would unlikely become single again as long as he loves me. Because he will live longer than me. The worst point for him is that I can not give birth because of my age. 

To be continued...

Getting on his work floor is thrilling.

I rarely go to his floor, as I am too SHY. I expect he won't be there when I get to his floor. But somewhat highly per cent, I see him. Today too.  

We had a short conversation. That time was sweet, which was even very short, though. His speaking becoming fluent. Sounded natural! 

I want to chat more with him someday. We need alcohol! 

I wanna know more.

Although I do not even know about him, he catches my heart. I want to know more about him. But how...

Alcohol could be helpful to have a relaxed conversation. But where...

Making a plan is easy, now it is the festive season. It's just scary to hear how he will respond to me if I ask to hang out. I am so terrified. I am like a teenage schoolgirl! (LOL)

I go to bed now.

Night, night, x

He found me also I found him simultaneously

It was a long long time since I and him had a chat last time. It was only 5 or 6 weeks actually, but it was like 3 months or more, I felt.  So suddenly we found each other at the same time from a long distance. At that moment, my breath stopped. Very very happy but,,,

I am too shy. 

I can not get closer to him and I am not brave enough to approach. 

So, the answer is; that nothing happens more than the current status between him and me. 

Maybe I should find someone else for me.

PASSION, MARMITE and PRANK

Art needs Passion

Life needs Passion

Love needs Passion

I need Passion now

So, I ate 2 passions today

MARMITE

I tried it the first time. I got cheese bread and topped it on. It was OK. If I try this liquid the next time, I would try with Calamvale cheese and toast. 

This textile is one of my gifts from a Scottish friend. The print looks manly. I want to make a T-shirt for my boyfriend if I have one. I am going to hold this fabric till then. 

He loves playing pranks. I understood now. Sometimes it is fun, sometimes it stops my breath. 

I wish my real age was a prank. He may die when knew it. 

His intentional ignorance twards me is hard Part II

 This is continuing from the last blog. 

So, he is not my type and too too young for me although, he is well-mannered beautiful typical English gentleman. I would be just a funny lady to him. And actually, he has a girlfriend. He talks about her in the conversation between us. 

I know that the English man wants to practice his speaking. So, I speak more properly and politely than usual. Carefully chose appropriate words for his education. This lesson is held monthly for one hour at lunchtime.

In conclusion, I can eat lunch at the beautiful view. And the English man can train his speaking. We have nothing more than this.

Now to get back on track, 

Suddenly, one day his attitude towards me returned to normal. He says hello to me as usual. So, what was that? I have no idea. Why he had to ignore me? I am confused. 

I love his sweet eyes and gorgeous beard. He is my type, but he would have a partner in his country. I will not have a relationship with the man who has a girlfriend. Besides, he may leave Japan when his work condition ends in Japan. It means the relationship could end at the same time. It is not affordable to take such a painful result. 

Not only these things, I have been searching for my future husband. I used to prioritise my career first, but finally finally, I may follow the man I trust. I am not sure yet though.

As a result, I am fine even if he wants to ignore me. I will find somebody else who can love me, and also who can remain in Japan for me or take me to another country with him.

 

His intentional ignorance twards me is hard

 Continuously, I have been intentionally ignored. I am glad that he has been working as usual in the office with nothing bad happened though. 

His attitude implies something to me. It is telling me something. But what is that? What does it mean? Did I hit his anger button? I am taking it seriously about this and thinking about this these days. Actually, it has fully occupied my head since this happened.

I knew now how much I liked him. I wished he was my boyfriend, to be honest. But, one big issue destroys my wish every time. The issue is the age gap, it is huge. it stops me from loving him. I can not imagine how he feels about my age. He unlikely knows my real age. The 21-year gap is too large. 

If he knew it, he would immediately blackout, but now he could have avoided this impact. I do not know whether I will have the opportunity of conversation with him again though.  

If the reason of his unpleasant attitude to me is coming from jealousy, perhaps, it is about a young pretty English man?? He is not....

I will talk later I am sleepy tonight.